Saturday marks one year since my mom passed away.
This week has been emotional — full of memories, gratitude, and those waves of “what ifs” that creep in when you least expect them. Writing this letter felt like something I needed to do — to get my thoughts out, honor my mom, and maybe connect with anyone else who knows what it’s like to carry both love and regret after loss.
Dear Mom,
It’s been a year.
There hasn’t been a single day since August 2, 2024 that I haven’t thought of you. But this week feels different.
I keep wondering: how has it been a whole year without you here with us — without you here with me? It sounds selfish, but you were my every thought for so long after Dad passed and your health began to decline.
We were so blessed to have the relationship we did. I’m pretty sure we talked on the phone five times a day if we weren’t together. Time moves on and life gets busy, but I never imagined life without you in it.
The only reason I’ve been able to move forward is because I know you’re still with me. You have to be. Somehow, I feel you around me.
I see you in Stephen and Michael. You loved your grandkids with your whole heart, and you wanted to share in every step and stage of their lives. I know you’re right there with them — and with me — along with Dad.
Yesterday, the boys played golf together at Dad’s favorite course. They took a picture with his memorial stone. They love to play golf as much as Dad did. You would both be so proud of them — and of all your grandchildren.
Most of the time, my thoughts of you are full of gratitude and the happiest of memories. We are beyond blessed to have had you and Dad as our parents.
But sometimes, I still have those “what if” thoughts: What if I could have helped you more toward the end of your life? What if you hadn’t fallen a couple of weeks prior? What if I had been right next to you that night to protect you?
I can’t help but feel those regrets, even though I know I did everything I could to make sure you were “at home” with us.
I just hope you weren’t scared. And I hope you know how deeply you are loved. I hope you know we were right there.
I love you with all my heart, Mom. I miss you every single day.
Love always,
Lynn
If You Are Walking This Road Too
If you’ve walked through loss, you may know these feelings — the “what ifs,” the regrets, the gratitude that sits right alongside the grief. Writing this was something I needed to do. If you’re in that same place, I want you to know you’re not alone.
